....How Many of Us Have Them?

I told my friend to stop talking to me about her relationship because, while I have awesome advice and insight in general [due to my analytical and observant nature], I've never been in a real relationship. She respects that and, while she slips on the occasion, we stopped discussing her relationship.
As friends, we have a million other things to talk about. We talk and debate about the most serious topics to the most frivolous of topics. We discuss religion, politics, science, psychology, reality tv shows... The list is indefinite. The fact that my decision to take away one of those topics did not change the dynamics of our relationship is confirmation that we have a genuine friendship.
A lot of people have a lot of "friends" in their lives but they have not yet learned the difference between friend and servant. A servant doesn't understand your purpose. They don't understand the vision that you have been given for your life. This does not necessarily mean that they will never have a place as your friend. It just means that they are not yet on a level to comprehend your assignment. When they finally reach that point they make the decision to be your friend or your enemy; often unbeknownst to you. A friend is someone who knows your flaws, but doesn't count them. They understand His plan for your place in their life and accept the position they have been given in your life. A real friend never straddles the fence with you. Servants are messy and, if you pay close attention, all they want to talk about is your mess... With you and anyone who lends an ear. Servants harbor ill feelings an let bits of information slip out of their mouth at the most inopportune times and places. Your friend keeps it 100 with you at all times.

I could go on forever with this, but I wont. I'll just propose the challenege: Pick one current messy/chaotic situation happening in your life and mute all incoming and outgoing conversations on the topic. Examine the continued enthusiasm, or lack thereof, in your conversations.

I am a hopeless romantic. I truly believe in love with all of my heart and I cannot wait to be found by the King with whom I will explore it. BUT... There's always a "but"... I am terrified of wasting my time.

Venting

I have not posted in over one year.  That has to change.  Since being promoted to Editor at my job, I realize how much I miss writing... words.  It is my outlet to a world without an ear.

I have so many things on my mind, but the topic that is most prevalent is the topic of relationships.  Now, I do not want to spill my guts about my relationship.  No, wait, I do.  Sometimes it helps to open up to strangers.  I wont go into specifics; I just need to get some things off of my chest.

A little background about me: I am 27.  I have only previously been in one committed relationship.  (I do not count the relationships I was in that I had no idea I was in).  Before and after my first relationship, I just dated and lived my life.  Sort of a reformed "playerette," if you will.  I am currently in a committed relationship and truly in love.

Mystery man's background: ???????????????????????????????????  All I know is that he has been hurt in a way that a man gets hurt and does not come back from.  I try my best not to focus on the past, but we are at a point where issues have arisen and it should be discussed so that I can better understand him.

>>>>Fast forward to present time>>>>>>

We met at work, but I never paid any attention to him outside of work.  After about one year of knowing one another, he started flirting.  I still did not feed into it because his reputation preceeded him.  (Everyone felt the need to report his "dealings" to me. I never heard anything that was too bad; just that he dated a lot of the women we worked with.  I just soaked it all in and kept it moving).  He asked me to hang out after a year and a half.  We didn't end up hanging out on the agreed date, but met up one month later.  He did not know I moved to Atlanta, but the stars aligned and he had a business trip coming up.  All of that waiting and ignoring and flirting, and the first time we hung out it was a wrap.

I was still stuck in my ways and the situation was long distance, so it started off exactly how all of my other situations start off.  I am a good woman and I exude that so guys fall hard and fast.  We were both smitten, but he was the only one who showed it.  He poured his heart out to me often and occasionally I would give a little.  Don't get me wrong, because I am not a serial dater or a woman that has to be in a relationship, I know exactly how I'm going to deal with a man as soon as I see them in their element.  With my guy, we were in a relationship that day.  Of course I never said that aloud.

Chivalry is Dead

Woman 1: Stay home and raise the children. Cook. Clean. Do the laundry, fold it and put it away. Be fine all the time. Be a dirty heaux/or completely sexless. Whatever little income you do have, pay for gas, groceries, kids, etc. Don't you dare act like you're exhausted b/c you don't have a "job."

How she's looked at: undervalued, disrespected, looked down on, talked down to gets cheated on.

Woman 2: Work like a slave 40+ underpaid hours. Also care for children [whenever they're in your presence since daycare/teachers raise them now]. But also spend that whole check on daycare, kids and contributing to the house financially. Still cook. Still clean. Still do the laundry, fold it and put it away. Be fine all the time (still on your own dime). Still be a dirty heaux/or completely sexless.

How she's viewed: Look at her all exhausted😍 now that's a woman!

The only difference between woman 1 and woman 2 is piling more on top of an already heavy load to appease a man who probably acted like he wanted to make her life easier. You new niggas don't want women; y'all want pretty boyfriends.

My Truth

I will lay on my face every night as I pray

Submitting myself to You Lord in worship and in praise

Crying aloud as I lift up Your name

Reaching in appreciation of Your grace

Day by day I fail You

Still Your love sustains

Commands, demands

All the worship

All my praise

Diligently seeking Your face as I ponder on the fact that only bits and pieces of Your Word I retained

No it is not enough to simply say I love You

For every breath I take

For every time I open my eyes

For my health

For functioning limbs

For vision

For sight

For strife

For my life

For being able to feel the warmth of a sun ray on my face

For that cool breeze that combs my hair

For emotions O Lord

For demotions

That have me down when I am out

Feeling sad

But then I shout

I almost forget how good that feels

HALLELEUJAH

And now I am reminded of Who I am dependent on

God puts us through so we never forget He is always there o lean on

Now in the midst of this storm that I was just in, I have peace of mind

Joy came out of her hiding place

And I just can’t get this smile off of my face

Because I remember

The source of my life

My strength and my might

His Word and His fight

His will and His plight

So I am ok with going through

And I don’t have to hear your comforting lies because I have found my truth.

By My Spirit

My spirit is keeping my soul in check because it is Him who dwells within me.

My soul is way too smart, way too emotional, and God bless the person who tries to interfere when she has her mind made up.

She governs her body but all too often becomes subjected to it.

My body loves to be gratified, satisfied, blessed, caressed, eased, pleased, but she never wants to give in and fall to her knees.

She is selfish, greedy, quick tempered, immature, lazy, hard-headed and her neck is always outstretched.

She fights tooth and nail to ignore that feeling in the pit of her stomach that always seems to show up when her soul gets convicted, inflicted, conflicted and wants to be restricted.

She is in denial when she "just can't" in the middle of doing that thing she wanted to do so badly.

She thinks her conscious is all out of whack because it must be wrong for fighting her desires.

Little does she know, it is not that made up thing that non-believers created to justify that which they cannot understand.

That “thing” is The Way, The Truth, and The Light.

The breath of God, all His will, a fraction of His might.

So check yourself when body gets that urge and soul becomes confused.

Now I live by my spirit to keep my soul in check and my body becomes subject.

For it is He who dwells within me.

My Stuff

When you are born into brokenness that is the only feeling that seems to be familiar.

You learn to cope by going numb.

All of my “stuff” is placed in that jar on the shelf where I leave things to be.

I stuff the jar until it is full.

Sometimes, when I open the jar to put more stuff in it, the pressure from the compression makes everything pop right back out.

I get frustrated and leave my stuff on the floor.

Then I realize that I have to clean up.  I must clean up!

I gather my stuff and fold each piece just right so that it all fits back inside of that old dusty jar.

I close the lid tight every time I put more stuff into the jar.

Eventually, it all pops out again.

Here I am, once more, folding.

Part of me wants to get a new jar, a bigger jar.

Another part of me wants to set my stuff ablaze.

But then I would be stuck looking at that empty jar on the shelf where I leave things to be.  I dust around the things on the shelf, careful never to displace a thing.

I just sit in the corner and stare across the dimly lit room at that jar full of stuff that I want to set free.