Ehhhh...

Shoulda, coulda, didn't! I took a look at the outside; peeked my head in to see the inner... ehh, may or may not be for me but I'm not going to give in just to see... I am happy with Crys; I can wait for it... Why settle for less than I know I deserve. When you want something so badly or have so much love for it then you go hard and do whatever you have to do to get it... especially when the map has been laid out before you. Oh how I miss the old days when time, diligence, persistence and perseverance were instilled values.

People look at me and see such mystery. They always want to know what I'm thinking... What are my motives... my intentions. I simply take life as it comes to me! You do so much planning for your life and God has a totally different plan in place. His will always beats yours out whether you submit and make it easy or fight Him tooth and nail. Yes my brain is always in full throttle and even though I'm hecka impulsive I've always known when to sleep on it for a minute. I'm glad you do you cuz I LOVE being ME and I wouldn't want it any other way. If I move too slow for you, kick bricks and be on ur merry way. I'm the tortoise in the race with the hare. I'm chillin, posted, slow motion and will always have what God wants me to have... VICTORY!!!

Nothing Extra, Just this...

As much as I think my blog should have way more stories... I've realized that just because I don't have a million words to write does not mean I should not say what should be said. With that being said, I promise to blog more.

Thank you for riding with me :)

A note I wrote on Facebook 03/17/10

I do not consider family to be a word directly related to a shared bloodline... that just means you are relatives. My family consists of a concoction of random people that stretch across the globe and not even 1/2 of them are my relatives.

Yes I have had a rough upbringing... just a tough life in general. However, I am not angry, sad or depressed about my journey. I am appreciative and blessed to have gone through those things because they have molded me into the GREAT woman that I am today!

As I sit here with my eyes full of tears due to some recent and horrifying news, I am just disgusted at myself for taking the simple things in life for granted.
I don't call at least once a week because "you know I'm not a phone person."
I hardly visit because "you know my life is a busy mess."
When I do visit its only for a hot minute because "you know I have a bunch of other stuff to do."
I never say I love you unless you say it first because... Well, that's my own issue.
I don't say much because "I don't talk that much..." even tough my mind goes a million miles/minute... and the list goes on. We all have excuses.

Life is way too short, but you never really understand the full meaning of this saying until it hits home and you almost lose someone you call your family.

I never want to feel this way again so from now on...
I am going to call more;
Check on you more often;
Talk/laugh with you more;
Visit more often;
Show and tell you that I appreciate and Love you!

There are some people that I don't really deal with like I used to if at all but I do still have love for you so I'll swallow my pride...
I apologize if I've ever hurt you or made you feel unappreciated.
I apologize if I wasn't as good a friend as you were to me.
I apologize for not being there.
I apologize for... whatever it is that eradicated our relationship.
I still have love for you and I'm here if you ever decide you want to build again.

...just thought I'd start speaking my heart and not just my mind.

I'm praying for u J... Idk what I would've done if u left :'-(